Cakeologism

CAKEOLOGISM

 

What could I say now? So many things on my mind… how can I be experiencing so many feelings being in a place that is not so different from my country? I’m not in the middle of a country, I haven’t go to prison, I haven’t being fired from the company I have worked all my life, I haven’t been raped, I haven’t lost my child, I haven’t lost my parents, I haven’t being without eating during days and days… then I wonder about all that people who suffer and how they feel. I can feel their loneliness and I am deeply concerned about them. We don’t really appreciate what we have till we see something different or till we lose it. Same irrelevant but permanent things that are in our day life become an essential missing that increase constantly with the past of the days.

When you know you will have it again you suffer but deep inside you are grateful for knowing that is just a stage. But what happens when the stage never finishes? I miss my people but I don’t worry cause I know that they are there, but what if…? I just can’t think how it would be building a new life from zero. Is hard to keep on going with this already fixed life, so the other side would be too painful. Is funny how we can evoke feelings that are hidden. I remember feelings that I had or that I recently went through and that I hid just because it was very painful at the beginning, and how despite the time make them smaller, they still remain in our consciousness. But I’m doing right now is an effort to avoid thinking about a certain situation, but if I look backwards, then I could find other scars that haven’t been healed… so what’s suffering? What’s that feeling of real pain in a position that seems to be close to the heart? Is it really good to experience all these kinds of emotions just to be able to say that you could feel them? Or is just a sadist way of torturing ourselves? 

WE ARE OUR WORST ENEMY… we can decide when we want to stop suffering as we can decide to live, to enjoy, to experience, to laugh. Today I want to be a cakeologist, I don’t wanna regret about all that I did, first of all because it’s done and nobody will change it, secondly, because feeling is being alive; I also don’t wanna think about the things I never reached, but all the things I have. I want to celebrate my birthday everyday (with a cake), I want to wake up with a smile, I want to prepare the breakfast, to say good morning to this wonderful person by my side and enjoy together the food; I want to feel the water going down my skin, the smell of the champú, the dayly routine, the cold in my face while riding our bikes that take us everywhere we want. I want to smile and receive the smiles of all the strangers that may be writing the same as I’m writing but in a different writing style… want to feel impressed everyday about the intense colors of the grass, of the red buildings, of the sun when it rises up;  the music from the mobile, from the cars, from the pubs, from the street… how wonderful is the music from the street.

Here is the world, here we are… the rest doesn’t mind anymore, the rest is just music that vary depending on how we feel it, cause despite a melody can be consider as sad, only the person that perceives it is the one that decides how to feel with it. A touch of sadness for everybody.

Meanwhile the time runs out but, who cares about the time if we are just here alone? The useful used of the time is in terms of how does it contribute to make you comfortable, joyful, otherwise it makes no sense.

I remember now one day in a conference about how getting rich that we both assisted. All people there asking, talking, trying to get the clues of how to be like the person who was giving us all this information in order to get some benefit… during the break, in a quite way, they were fighting to entertain the leader’ while you little girls were outside enjoying an amazing apple and looking at the moon that was there just for them as anyone else could realize it was there shining as a pearl in the middle of a vast ocean.